lib: make extendDerivation lighter on eval

the fix to extendDerivation in #140051 unwittingly worsened eval performance by
quite a bit. set elements alone needed over 1GB extra after the change, which
seems disproportionate to how small it was. if we flip the logic used to
determine which outputs to install around and keep a "this one exactly" flag in
the specific outputs instead of a "all of them" in the root we can avoid most
of that cost.

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